a year ago

a visit

a mound of sand
with his name on it
a blistering hot day
mountain in the background
and i don't know what to say
or do
so I sit
on someone else's grave
ethel
I sit and I think
and I say sorry

I don't know if he can hear
I don't think so
I picture a corpse
and realise I'm speaking to sand
then i suspend the belief
that he can hear
that this visit is special
to him
that all the other graves
with their myriad of stones and visits and love from their mourning families, are looking down on this moment
with me visiting him
and they're cheering him
saying "your daughter, look, your daughter has come"
and he sighs
and says quietly
"I knew there was love" "I knew she would - or maybe
I wasn't so sure
wasn't so absolute"...

and the Bergs and Steins and Bermans cheer
and pat him on the back

and I stand there
placing my stone on the white brick
with his name on it
Mr A Chalef
and a date
just a date
no "in loving memory"
that comes later
give it a year

I absurdly want to take a photo
to capture this moment

or to distance myself
probably..

now I sit in busy
bustling loud Vide Cafe sipping a coffee and eating a quattro muffin
whilst sunkissed latin tourists think of their days plans

And i have a headache
a pervading sense that
today is different.

Eyton Rd - the performance

Over the past few months, I've been collaborating on a new performance work with artist Domenico De Clario. My trip in the past year along with events which unfolded in my family have hugely influenced the making of the work. Please come along to see the work at La Mama in Melbourne or at Distrix in Cape Town. All the details are on the flyer.

the annual linkuva street fair

festival time in Linkuva. I've sat next to a woman who smelt of moth balls on the bus. I try to remain inconspicuous. Small camera in pocket, laptop nowhere to be seen, smile, nod, labas, hello, yes, da...
I've played pictionary with a priest and found my way to the cemetery. I've walked amongst old crosses and took photos of storks with nests on telephone poles. I've seen the pope in purple parade down the street with excited smug children by his side.
90's techno competes with a whistle -smells of dung and wood-chips - overweight beige pants clutching salticrax and green balloons. It's Sunday today.

siaulia

Elton John, pigtails, Adidas tracksuits, little old ladies with scarves on their heads, mullets on middle aged women with prams and babies and unpronounceable bright red sunglasses on little pink girls who wear yellow pants and have no idea where they are in relation to outside the town.
Sialia - pronounced Shaluei. And more men in all white have passed me that is normal or allowed. It's a sunny afternoon in Siaulia
and all my things are down the rd in the nice-enough hostel.
Anthony Goldstein lookalikes have passed me twice
and a man wearing ray bans - not out of any wish to look cool - but he does, without even realizing it.
Luminous bright pink tight tops with luminous red hair and high heels pass me. people watching in Sialia. No internet and no information. Only a promise of a bus to Linkuva.

kaunas

5 11 pm Lithuania time. I’m in Kovno, Kaunas. Took today to get to te old Jewish town. I walked trough roads of wooden houses with old chimneys and brick window sills. Small houses lined up in a row on mud roads with children playing on bikes outside. Run down, paint peeling, wood chipping, black from years exposed to the elements, old garage doors rusted with bolts and padlocks and old men wondering why and what my reasons are for taking photographs.
And then there are sweet old people talking to me in Lithuanian. We speak across an old photograph with scribbles on it. I show them a date, 1943 and the word ghetto. She gets it, says something and smiles. Points out through sign language that she has been around since 1945, after the war. Though broken signs and lots of pointing we get back to the ‘archives’. I find out where on the map Maraja rd is. There is a reason for everything. I walk away from the old couple with large hands and dust on their clothes.

huge debrief needed

I'm on a bus through to Oxford, wireless en route. I've been through Poland, Lithuania and Latvia, Copenhagen, Edinburgh and London and soon to see Oxford - all within the last three /four weeks. I'm exhausted and on the brink of bad health, but inspired.
Instead of recounting all step by step ,I'll take you through some of my ramblings and attach pictures alongside.
Too much to try and sum up. I feel it's going to take me a long time.